It's almost midnight. I've been up since 7am, and I'm going off of three and a half hours of sleep. But I am so excited about everything God brewed in me today that I know I have to get it out now while it's in my head.
I know I said in my last entry that I'd explain more about the school, but 1) I don't want to right now and 2) I'm not really sure what I can say until I've had my first day of class, which is tomorrow. How convenient!
But I do want to talk about today because it was amazing! I went to a Hearing God class that the church was holding and I learned so many good things! I can't wait to study it further both on my own and in school (which starts tomorrow, by the way... I'm not excited or anything...).
First God just really let me know some things that had been getting in the way of a true absorption of what and how great the Father heart of God is. I won't really go into that, but just know that it was such a relief to gain truth. Just because your earthy father is flawed (and they all are) does not mean God the Father is bound by those same limitations. What a RELIEF! We truly have a perfect Father.
I also got several other truths just reaffirmed -- truths that I need to be constantly soaking in. I'll just list a few:
First and foremost, ALL BELIEVERS HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HEAR GOD (John 10:27). Not only that, but we are CREATED to hear God's voice! So often I have this oppressive spirit on me that just says, "Well sure, THEY can do that, but you can't. I can't believe you even thought for a second that YOU would be impacted by God today," etc. But that is not life-giving truth and I will not believe it anymore.
Also God doesn't stop talking when His kids screw up. This is a misconception we have. Look at Cain and Abel. Cain KILLED HIS BROTHER and immediately afterwards God talks to him about it. If you're a mother or father, do you just give your kids the silent treatment when they do something wrong? Most likely, you speak louder to try and correct the problem instead of letting them do something to continue hurting themselves and/or others. Why? Because you LOVE them.
What we CHOOSE is the most powerful weapon we have. Our will is extremely powerful. We choose life or death -- Spirit or flesh. As believers, we do not live by the sinful nature. It is in the past, and ONLY WE have the power to resurrect our sinful natures -- Satan cannot do this! Don't give Satan more power than he is due. Choose TODAY which tree you will eat from.
The lens that you look through must be of LOVE, salvation, and freedom, NOT of punishment or condemnation! How you see yourself (your identity) influences how you hear God. The world says we are what we do or don't do, but the Kingdom of God says we are who we are... sons and daughters of I Am Who I Am!!!
Be patient with the maturity process because even Jesus had to grow and learn. "And the child (Jesus) grew and became strong in spirit, filled with wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him." Luke 2:40
Anyway, those are just a few of my notes! :)
I also wanted to share a list that I made about a week ago of expectations (hence the title of this post and my blog) I made for this year. I kept hearing about expectations, expectations and how important they were. The second Sunday I was at Bethel the pastor, Garner, quoted Jeremiah 29:11 ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future") and said that without expectations we have nothing to hope for. And since God has plans for us to hope, we need to have expectations!
I think a lot of times I'm afraid to expect things. But that's because I don't fully trust that God is a good Father who will come through for me with good gifts for His beloved daughter (ME!!!!!!). But I want to believe that. So I made a list of expectations. I won't list all of them because some of them are personal, but I'll list a few of my favorites! I hope someone reading this will be inspired to hope and expect good things from the Father who is eager to delight you!
1. Fear will have no hold on me.
2. I will be baptized in the Holy Spirit! :)
3. Pleasing people will not matter anymore.
4. I will fall in LOVE with Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit and will not distance myself because of fear.
5. I will learn to be consistent.
6. I will make great friends.
7. I WILL HEAR GOD'S VOICE!!!!!!!!
8. I WILL HAVE A GOD DREAM!!!!!!
9. I will have deep revelations of God's love.
10. I will gain understanding of the next step I should take.
11. I will be a tool for healing.
12. I will lead someone to Christ.
13. I will trust the Lord above all else.
14. I will see myself as Jesus sees me.
15. I will be a contagious wildfire.
16. I will be able to be myself in any situation or circumstance.
I'm writing these down because at the end of the class today they had a time where they prophesied over everyone, and some of the things spoken over me were relevant to this list. Now I want to preface this by saying that I am completely out of my element in this church, but I am never judged or condemned for my background. I was scared out of my mind to be prophesied over, but I prayed and asked Jesus to hold my hand and lead me beside the still waters. And He did. Here are the things that were prophesied over me today:
*Jesus is proud of me!!!!!
-----I have never been told this before and I have never felt so giddy or loved or shocked!!
*He is my prince and I am His Cinderella :)
-----I just realized this tonight, but while I was waiting to be spoken over, I was thinking about dancing with Jesus.
*God is bigger than I think He is.
*I have gifts of discernment and wisdom.
*God is going to blow away my expectations and give me new hope each day!
-----Just when I thought my list was extravagant and almost crossing the line for asking too much, God tells me He wants to give me above and beyond all I am expecting.
I LOVE JESUS AND I AM SO EXCITED TO LOVE HIM MORE EACH DAY!!!!!!!!!
Don't be afraid to hope. You will not be put to shame. He will make your face shine like the dawn.
Oh by the way! If you'd like to pray for me I have a few specific requests that I would so appreciate prayer for! I really just need people to pray against any spirit of comparison that I might be tempted to listen to -- comparison is the thief of joy and I don't want to compare myself to anyone but Jesus! PLEASE pray for me on that. Also pray I will begin to not just hope, but BELIEVE (faith, faith, faith!!!) that I will grow and mature and gain everything I am expecting. Also I've been having trouble falling asleep at night (even after working a closing shift ending at 3:45am), so prayers for ultimate rest would be such a blessing. Thank you all so much!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
getting here
I've been itching to write something since I visited here two weeks ago, but I've been dreading this first post. How do I explain a seemingly random move from central Missouri to Northwest Indiana that happened (from decision to relocation) in less than a month? There are too many words to explain every feeling, longing, and thought that preceded this life change, but I will give a brief synopsis for those of you out there with your mouths open wide who were still hoping to run into me at the Wal-Mart in Rolla.
It all started with this girl named Tori Hagni. Yes. It's her fault. She made me eat the fruit! I'm just yolking. But in all seriousness... she is to blame. Lets rewind a couple months to the last half of May 2012. I was talking to Tori and she mentioned that she really felt led to go to the Jesus Culture Conference that was happening at the end of June in New York. I didn't have any inkling to go, but couldn't really see why not other than finances. Tori had just been anonymously blessed financially and encouraged me to pray about it and put it into God's hands. So I shrugged and said, "Okay, why not." The next day I took Tori's advice and really spent some time praying about it... and when I say that I mean I spoke one sentence to God in the car on my way to work. "God if you want me to go to this conference, please let someone sign up to take my shifts." I went into Jimmy Johns and put two weeks of shifts up on the board -- shifts for a week long mission trip I had already committed to and for the dates of the Jesus Culture Conference. About 10 minutes after posting my shifts, my coworker Tom casually says to me, "Oh Katie, I signed up for some of the shifts you put up... and Caroline signed up for the other ones." I went back to look at the board and all my shifts had been taken. And my shift wasn't even over for the day! In 10 minutes God had already answered my one sentence prayer. It didn't seem very significant at the time, but I shrugged and thought, "Well... it looks like I'm going to New York." After my next paycheck I bought my plane ticket round trip for less than $250. I emailed Tori after I bought my ticket with something really polite like, "I BOUGHT MY TICKET SO YOU'D BETTER GO OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" The next day I had a missed call from Tori. Immediately I knew I was not going to like what she had to say.
"Hey Kath... so about New York... I can't go..."
So here's a summary: I'm 21. I don't know a single person in New York. I have a plane ticket to New York. I don't have anywhere to stay in New York. I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE PERSON IN NEW YORK!!!!! I'm going to New York by myself.
Literally a day before I fly out, I find a place to stay for $35 a night (as opposed to $100+ a night in a hotel) at the New York Metropolitan Baptist Association. The only problem: It's in Manhattan and the conference is in Long Island. This means commuting. This means a possibility of me getting very, very lost. This means a frantic mother.
But just like God was good in getting my shifts covered, getting me a cheap flight and cheap accommodations, God was good (like always) in His provision over me while I was there. Yes, I got lost in the subway. Yes, I walked the opposite direction of the association at midnight and had to walk all the way back the other way. Yes, I did this all by myself... but I wasn't ever alone.
While at the conference, I heard snippets of some ministry school that Jesus Culture was involved in. They played a promo video for it every day of the conference, but I missed it every time. Then when we broke up into groups for prayer, a couple with seats near me prayed over me and at the end casually mentioned, "Hey you should really go to the school of supernatural ministry!" I didn't really think anything about it, but I went to the booth they had set up and listened to some testimonies of students who had gone. It was all very casual, but on my way back home I couldn't stop thinking about it. I picked up this tiny postcard sized information card they had available while I was at their booth and I must have read it 10 times on the airplane back to St. Louis. I talked to my friends about it like I had been thinking about it for months.
I'm not quite sure what all happened from the time the conference ended to the time I decided I was going. I knew I should apply, but I couldn't decide between the original school in Redding, California or some miniature branch in Indiana. For reasons unknown to me, I applied to BSSM Chicagoland in Indiana first. FIRST. I had intentions of applying to both Indiana and California, but I never got around to the California application. After applying, I got an email from the director of the school who was answering some questions I had emailed him before applying. He offered his number and I called him and we talked. I felt so at ease talking with him and at the end of the conversation I felt like I'd just been hugged. It was about two weeks (what felt like months) after that when I got an email from Jason, the director, not accepting me to the school but asking me if I was still interested. I was so frustrated. I wanted either an acceptance or rejection letter. I wanted it to be very black and white which road God wanted me to take. But instead, God chose to grow my faith and put the ball back in my court to decide. After a weekend of tears, prayers, and frustrations, I decided to go. I emailed him on Monday saying I was still interested and put my two weeks in at Jimmy Johns. It wasn't until two days AFTER I put my two weeks in that I got my acceptance letter.
So I should probably mention that when I say it's Tori's fault that I'm here, I really mean that God used Tori to get me here. And I am so glad that He did :) Thanks Tor, you're amazing.
I'm here now with so much peace you wouldn't believe. God blessed me with an amazing roommate and cheap rent AND He blessed me with a job working in TWO Jimmy John's stores!!! HAHAA! I am so pumped! I start tomorrow :) I've only been here a week, but it is already starting to feel like home. I'm so, so happy to be here. Every Sunday I just feel full. :) School was supposed to start today, but it was postponed for a week, so I'll have more to say next week, but I'll give a little more info on the school itself tomorrow when I've slept a little more. I hope you all are as excited about this crazy journey as I am! If I thought the getting here was crazy, I don't know WHAT the ride will be like! But I CAN'T. WAIT!!!!
(oh by the way... I know I said I would be brief in explaining how I got here... this could be novel of an explanation is my definition of brief, just for future reference)
It all started with this girl named Tori Hagni. Yes. It's her fault. She made me eat the fruit! I'm just yolking. But in all seriousness... she is to blame. Lets rewind a couple months to the last half of May 2012. I was talking to Tori and she mentioned that she really felt led to go to the Jesus Culture Conference that was happening at the end of June in New York. I didn't have any inkling to go, but couldn't really see why not other than finances. Tori had just been anonymously blessed financially and encouraged me to pray about it and put it into God's hands. So I shrugged and said, "Okay, why not." The next day I took Tori's advice and really spent some time praying about it... and when I say that I mean I spoke one sentence to God in the car on my way to work. "God if you want me to go to this conference, please let someone sign up to take my shifts." I went into Jimmy Johns and put two weeks of shifts up on the board -- shifts for a week long mission trip I had already committed to and for the dates of the Jesus Culture Conference. About 10 minutes after posting my shifts, my coworker Tom casually says to me, "Oh Katie, I signed up for some of the shifts you put up... and Caroline signed up for the other ones." I went back to look at the board and all my shifts had been taken. And my shift wasn't even over for the day! In 10 minutes God had already answered my one sentence prayer. It didn't seem very significant at the time, but I shrugged and thought, "Well... it looks like I'm going to New York." After my next paycheck I bought my plane ticket round trip for less than $250. I emailed Tori after I bought my ticket with something really polite like, "I BOUGHT MY TICKET SO YOU'D BETTER GO OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" The next day I had a missed call from Tori. Immediately I knew I was not going to like what she had to say.
"Hey Kath... so about New York... I can't go..."
So here's a summary: I'm 21. I don't know a single person in New York. I have a plane ticket to New York. I don't have anywhere to stay in New York. I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE PERSON IN NEW YORK!!!!! I'm going to New York by myself.
Literally a day before I fly out, I find a place to stay for $35 a night (as opposed to $100+ a night in a hotel) at the New York Metropolitan Baptist Association. The only problem: It's in Manhattan and the conference is in Long Island. This means commuting. This means a possibility of me getting very, very lost. This means a frantic mother.
But just like God was good in getting my shifts covered, getting me a cheap flight and cheap accommodations, God was good (like always) in His provision over me while I was there. Yes, I got lost in the subway. Yes, I walked the opposite direction of the association at midnight and had to walk all the way back the other way. Yes, I did this all by myself... but I wasn't ever alone.
While at the conference, I heard snippets of some ministry school that Jesus Culture was involved in. They played a promo video for it every day of the conference, but I missed it every time. Then when we broke up into groups for prayer, a couple with seats near me prayed over me and at the end casually mentioned, "Hey you should really go to the school of supernatural ministry!" I didn't really think anything about it, but I went to the booth they had set up and listened to some testimonies of students who had gone. It was all very casual, but on my way back home I couldn't stop thinking about it. I picked up this tiny postcard sized information card they had available while I was at their booth and I must have read it 10 times on the airplane back to St. Louis. I talked to my friends about it like I had been thinking about it for months.
I'm not quite sure what all happened from the time the conference ended to the time I decided I was going. I knew I should apply, but I couldn't decide between the original school in Redding, California or some miniature branch in Indiana. For reasons unknown to me, I applied to BSSM Chicagoland in Indiana first. FIRST. I had intentions of applying to both Indiana and California, but I never got around to the California application. After applying, I got an email from the director of the school who was answering some questions I had emailed him before applying. He offered his number and I called him and we talked. I felt so at ease talking with him and at the end of the conversation I felt like I'd just been hugged. It was about two weeks (what felt like months) after that when I got an email from Jason, the director, not accepting me to the school but asking me if I was still interested. I was so frustrated. I wanted either an acceptance or rejection letter. I wanted it to be very black and white which road God wanted me to take. But instead, God chose to grow my faith and put the ball back in my court to decide. After a weekend of tears, prayers, and frustrations, I decided to go. I emailed him on Monday saying I was still interested and put my two weeks in at Jimmy Johns. It wasn't until two days AFTER I put my two weeks in that I got my acceptance letter.
So I should probably mention that when I say it's Tori's fault that I'm here, I really mean that God used Tori to get me here. And I am so glad that He did :) Thanks Tor, you're amazing.
I'm here now with so much peace you wouldn't believe. God blessed me with an amazing roommate and cheap rent AND He blessed me with a job working in TWO Jimmy John's stores!!! HAHAA! I am so pumped! I start tomorrow :) I've only been here a week, but it is already starting to feel like home. I'm so, so happy to be here. Every Sunday I just feel full. :) School was supposed to start today, but it was postponed for a week, so I'll have more to say next week, but I'll give a little more info on the school itself tomorrow when I've slept a little more. I hope you all are as excited about this crazy journey as I am! If I thought the getting here was crazy, I don't know WHAT the ride will be like! But I CAN'T. WAIT!!!!
(oh by the way... I know I said I would be brief in explaining how I got here... this could be novel of an explanation is my definition of brief, just for future reference)
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