A LOT has happened since I last wrote, though I'm still struggling with what I last posted about. But much growth has also come in the past month. I don't always notice it, and I usually get frustrated with myself and my growth pace, so most days I'm just reminding myself that God is pretty great and He is molding me in His timing. He gives me so much grace!
Today I ran a 10k (6.2 miles) in Valpo, and it was probably my favorite part of the day. I LOVE races, which is funny because I'm not competitive AT ALL. There's just something about them. The running culture is so interesting to me. Races draw so many different people. There are old, seasoned runners with muscles protruding from wrinkled, saggy skin. There are young runners in their prime. There are new runners whose appetite for miles is smaller than they had originally thought. There are people running for health purposes and those running to mark off something on their bucket list. There are people who were made to run and those who make themselves run. There is so much diversity! Today 3100 runners were registered to race in the 2012 Valparaiso Turkey Trot 5K/10K. Right as we started I just kind of got overwhelmed at what an amazing opportunity this was to touch so many different lives. I was seeing people I will probably never see again, and I wanted to make the most of this opportunity. So I prayed for people and spoke life and blessings over them as I passed them or vice versa. If I noticed someone struggling to run, I'd pray for healing in their legs/feet, a corrected stride, strength to their bodies, anything really. If I noticed someone losing their fight, I kept thinking to myself, "You are way too awesome to let me beat you." And then they would speed up just a bit. haha! It was great! I've done this before in races... especially in my half-marathon, but it was mostly just to pass time. This time I put intention behind it and had such a blast. My favorite part was listening to this song and literally singing aloud through my gasps of breath, "All the angels cry out HOLY IS THE LORD. All the earth replies HOLY ARE YOU!" and just singing (or rather, wheezing) "Alleluia!" over people I was passing. I wasn't trying to "win them over" or convert them, I was just worshiping and letting the holiness of the Lord rest on those people. BEST!
I've had so many crazy things happen since I've been here. Crazy awesome things, that is. I'm not sure how to go back and relive everything. Mostly I'm just stepping more into who God has called me to be each day. We just took a spiritual gifts assessment recently for church, and two of my gifts in particular were brought to the light. One of my top gifts is encouragement, and soon after I had taken the assessment, I got prophesied over that I had the spirit of Barnabus on me, who was called the Son of Encouragement. Another one of my gifts is intercession and I've recently been waking up in the middle of the night with countries or people on my mind. One night I woke up and couldn't stop repeating the countries Sumatra and Sudan in my mind. Two nights ago I woke up thinking about a guy from work. And neither of these were brief thoughts. It was like I couldn't go to sleep or erase them from my mind if I tried.
So basically I'm learning a lot about what it looks like to truly step into my new creation. I fail a lot. But I'm learning something every day.
I had a really rough time this week. One of the main things I've learned since coming here is how important expectation and hope are. But the hardest thing about expectation and hope is holding on to them. Another hard thing is hoping for things that can only be done in God's power. EXPECTING God to move. Because then control is out of your hands and you have to practice trusting in God's promises and goodness. I'm also trying to manage disappointment in the midst of hope and expectation. When I put my hope in God and things don't work out the way I thought they would, how am I supposed to respond? Is it okay to be sad or angry or hurt? How do I manage doubt and confusion and questions? How do I maintain or even INCREASE my expectancy the next time when my experience hasn't been hope fulfilled? Is there a way to guard my heart against disappointment while still hoping extravagantly? I'm still trying to sort through these questions, but I think the only thing I've come up with so far is just renewing my mind and meditating on his promises.
He's promised to work all things together for good to those who love him. (Romans 8:28)
He's promised to generously pour out the Holy Spirit, wisdom, and grace. (Luke 11:13; James 1:5; James 5:6)
He's promised to always be with us. (Matthew 28:20)
He's promised us plans of prosperity, hope, and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Anyway, your prayers for me in this area would be so greatly appreciated! I want to hope beyond all reason because I know God is GOOD BEYOND ALL REASON!!!! I want to expect great things as though I've never experienced any lack.
I also want you to know that your prayers are so powerful. Prayer isn't a toothpick in the midst of power tools. PRAYER IS A POWER TOOL.
I talked to my mom tonight and just found out my grandma went to the ER last night with severe back pain. She was having trouble all day today with pain because they didn't have the right dosage of medication for her yet. When I hung up with my mom, I prayed that God would touch my grandma and with that touch bring deep rest, healing, peace, and overwhelming love. My mom just called and said, "I just wanted to let you know that ten minutes after I got off the phone with you, Grandma fell asleep and she's been sleeping soundly for the past hour."
Please know your prayers never go unheard. Your prayers are powerful and effective! Thank you for those of you who have been praying me through this journey. Neither of us might ever know the full effect they have had until we get on the other side, but I know God is constantly in my midst. Things have been blocked from harming me because of your prayers and God's goodness. Growth has been accelerated because of your prayers and God's goodness. I have made amazing friends because of your prayers and God's goodness! I feel AT HOME here because of your prayers and God's goodness. I have a part-time job, but am easily able to afford rent, food, and gas because of your prayers and God's GREAT GOODNESS. I love you guys so much. Thank you for being part of my journey and investing in the things of my heart.
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